Last year, Jonathan Rivard read the bible cover-to-cover three times, and compiled hundreds of the strangest, funniest, most curious verses he could find. We asked him why on earth he would do this, but he just threw some rocks at us, gibbering something about sin.

Anyways, introducing: The LEAST-QUOTABLE Bible Verses. A compilation of 400+ hilarious and strange quotations from the bible. Truly, they are bizarre.

And, boy, does this book have everything!

Bitchy prophets? Check. 

God being a total pushover? You bet. 

Way more talk about people eating scrolls than there should be? Absolutely.

Heck, the plot of Home Alone is even in here, somewhere. Mission Impossible too, apparently.

There are two very cute cartoon monks that chime in with their two-cents here and there. We think they’re cute. Our kids like ’em, so there.

There are 400+ bible verses lovingly categorized by 40+ chapters, including:
– Being Kinda Mean to Foreigners
– Exposing Private Parts
– Really, Really Specific Quantities
– Eating Filth
– A Selection of Footbaths
– Paul Accidentally Ratting Out His Friends
– Stuff Coming Out of Rocks
– Brawlin’
– Jonah’s Near-Constant Death Wish

The author put a lot of hard work into compiling this stuff, and we sincerely think you will get a kick out of it. It’s the kind of book that can sit on your coffee table, and you can flip through at your leisure. I guarantee the page you land on will be… entertaining… at the very least.

We will post back here with a link once it goes live. If you’re interested, you can sign up for an email update on our contact page! We promise to email you about this book, and then check in if you want to be bothered with other gems super infrequently. Like, once a year. We’re slow.